Lessons in Love
※Please note that you will be unable to complete this quest after the seasonal event has ended. For details, please check the Lodestone.
Greetings, adventurer. Are you a lonely soul yearning for affection, or blissfully bonded to your beloved? Mayhap somewhere in between, or nowhere at all? Well, however you should identify, I, Lisette de Valentione, wish you all the blessings of love this Valentione's Day!
...Oh, 'tis you, dear friend! You have grown even more fetching since last we met, it took me a moment to recognize you. I am not surprised that fate should reunite us so, yet know that I am no less pleased for it.
As you can see, the festivities are in full swing. Would that my esteemed ancestor, Lady Arabelle, could be here to witness the fruits of her legacy. A legacy born of the simplest of truths: all are deserving of ardor and affection.
To ensure that her spirit lives on, my faithful retainers and I have journeyed forth from frosty Ishgard, that we might instill hearts the realm over with the warmth of truest love.
And this year, I am proud to say that we have joined hands with the Sanctum of the Twelve, those purveyors of eternal love─a union forged in the very heavens!
For our inaugural collaboration, we are offering couples the chance to test their affinity for one another. I cordially invite you to participate with the object of your ardor and affection!
...And here is where I send most people on their way. But you are not most people. Nay, for a capable adventurer such as you, I have a special request.
You see, this year I've brought a trainee to help with the event, but she herself would benefit from some help.
Her name is Astrid, and she is a little bit too...sober. Too rational. Yet where love is concerned, there is no surer guide than one's heart. Is this not so?
I should be grateful if you would watch over her and lend her a hand when necessary. Oh, and pray keep the fact that you act at my behest between us.
Remember, her name is Astrid. Pray watch over her and lend her a hand when necessary.
Well met, my friend. I believe my lady fairest has tasked you with watching over Astrid.
I myself tried to help the lass, but she was not welcoming of my assistance, and that is putting it rather mildly. I wish you better luck than I had.
Oh, what am I to do? Sister placed her faith in me. I can't afford to fail. But at this rate...
Eeeeeek! Er...I mean, if you're here for the affinity test, I'm afraid we aren't quite ready yet.
No, wait. You're one of those adventurers, aren't you? Sister says that you and yours are ever willing to aid those in need. Well, I'm in direst need of aid right now!
You see, I've been charged with devising and organizing a new affinity test for the Valentione's Day celebration, but there's been a little problem...
Oh, who am I fooling? It's a huge problem! The moogles tasked with setting up the venue have all abandoned me, muttering moogle profanities as they fluttered off.
I know not what I did to offend them. I only wished to do my part for the event─for love.
I'm at a loss, adventurer. I beg you, find the moogles for me. And when you do, ask them what caused them to leave.
Please hurry and find the moogles for me. And when you do, ask them what caused them to leave.
Ahhh, this is more like it. Working too much─no, working at all is bad for the heart. Sometimes you just have to say, “Bugger this, I'm going home!”
...Uwaaah! Wh-What is it, kupo!?
Astrid wants to know why we up and left? First things first: lest there be any misunderstandings, what I said just now was─ahem─just a jest. We're definitely not being slack, kupo.
On the contrary, we care about the event. A lot. So when we saw what was being planned for the affinity test, well, we simply couldn't abide by it. It's all so stiff and dry, cracks are like to form between couples, kupo.
We wanted no part of that, and that's why we left. You can say as much to Astrid, kupo.
<munch> <munch> Mmmmmm, if there's one thing that tastes better than kupo nuts you've earned, it's kupo nuts you haven't earned.
...Hm? You need something, kupo?
Astrid sent you, did she? Doesn't understand why we abandoned her? Well, the reason's quite complicated, kupo.
We moogles were working hard. No, really─we were toiling our little wings off in the name of eternal love. But we had no confidence in Astrid's affinity test, kupo.
No, her approach was all remonstrance and no romance. You can't expect couples to get in the mood for love that way, nor us to get in the mood for work. I'm motivationally challenged as it is, and this didn't help matters, kupo.
<sigh> Is there a finer feeling than taking a nap while people around you work? Look at the poor fools, scurrying about, day in and day out. All that vain effort makes me want to laugh, kupohoho... Kupohohoho─!
...Er, can I help you?
What, Astrid wishes to know why we abandoned our work? Why, it's because we couldn't be bothe─ahem, I mean, her affinity test is the problem, kupo.
It's so dull and uninspired, couples are liable to fall asleep on the spot. Now, I'm usually all for sleep, but even I know that isn't the time and place for it, kupo.
Seeing this, we decided to leave. It's our way of protesting. And if we get to laze about in the bargain, well then, it's two birds with one stone!...It's mostly about the protest, though. Make sure Astrid knows that, kupo.
There you are! Were you able to find the moogles? What did they have to say?
What? My affinity test...is to blame? But I poured my heart into it. That it should be so terrible as to drive our helpers away...
Oh, whatever should I do?
So you agree with the moogles' assessment, and I should try to address the issues they raised?
Yes... Yes! Sister has ever said that, wherever there is an obstacle to love, it falls to us to clear the way. And if my own test poses an obstacle, then by the Fury, I will improve it!
So you think the moogles are simply making excuses for their laziness, and I should ignore their words? Even so, this gets us nowhere...
...Wait. You're testing my resolve, aren't you? Well, know that I shan't give up on love so easily! The moogles have the right of it, I can see that now. My affinity test is far from ideal, and by the Fury, I will improve it!
So, um...how should I go about this? Let's see: there was “stiff and dry” and “all remonstrance and no romance” and “dull and uninspired.” There are so many issues, I'm not sure where to begin...
Ahem! Pray forgive me, but I chanced to be passing by, and couldn't help but overhear your conversation.
Hmph, a likely story. As I've said a dozen times, Hortefense, your opinion is not needed. Scurry back to Sister.
Now, now, is that any tone of voice to take with your brother-in-law? You must know that I only have your best interests at heart.
But I am not one to overstay my welcome. I take my leave...and leave with our adventurer friend a piece of advice. For problems pertaining to moogles, one would do well to consult a moogle.
He just can't help himself. Yet, loath though I am to admit it, he's right. It's best that we consult a moogle.
Kuplu Kumu is nearby. He's the leader of the Sanctum choir. Let us go and seek his advice.
I know not why Astrid dislikes Hortefense so. He is far from perfect, to be sure, but the bad is far outweighed by the good.
He is possessed of a good heart. And a handsome face. And a toned body. And I'd be remiss not to mention his skillful swordsmanship, and I speak not only of combat, mmmmmm...
<cough> <sputter> Y-You didn't hear any of that!
As you have witnessed, Astrid does not take kindly to my...existence. Prithee look after her in my stead.
This is Kuplu Kumu. Let us ask him for his advice.
Well, if it isn't young Astrid. And I see you have brought a friend. Is there something you require, kupo?
Yes, Kuplu Kumu. I seek your counsel with regards to my affinity test.
I see, I see. Truth be told, I had anticipated such a problem, kupo.
You did? <sigh> It seems everyone foresaw issues except me...
Do not be hard on yourself. You meant well in trying to bring tangibility to love. Yet love is anything but tangible, kupo. No, it transcends the rational, living in our hearts rather than our heads, assuming as many forms as there are couples. It is that which evokes fuzzy-wuzzy feelings of excitation and─and kupolation, kupo.
Excitation, I understand. Kupolation...not so much. But it's beginning to become clear to me now. What my affinity test needs is a dose of fun. And yet, fun has never been my forte. I'm afraid my definition of the word would fall flat with others.
Well, it just so happens that we moogles are the foremost authorities on fun and frivolity! I will help you, kupo!
Truly!? Thank you so much!
Now then, we must also do something about those three layabouts. Their indolent ways are well known to me. Even at the Sanctum, they find excuses to avoid work at every turn, kupo.
I suspect they have learned some bad habits from our sky-dwelling brethren. A spot of punishment wouldn't go astray, kupo.
Their behavior reflects poorly upon our kind and cannot be tolerated. A spot of punishment wouldn't go astray, kupo.
Adventurer, I will discuss how to improve the affinity test with Astrid. Meanwhile, will you go and round up the three moogles, kupo?
They will be over by the Leatherworkers' Guild, their preferred place for being unproductive. If you find them uncooperative, just say that you will squash their poms, kupo.
We're not being lazy, we're conserving our motivation. Should have enough saved up by tomorrow. No wait, make that next week. Safer to err on the side of conservative, kupo.
Work is for the weak, sleep is for the strong. You're strong like me, so you should understand this, kupo.
The chief summoned us, you say!? But...we're busy at the moment. Yes, lots of dawdling and dallying to do. We'll go a little later, kupo.
Really? She took our advice to heart? Well then, we have work to do! Let's go, kupo!
Nooo, not the pom! Anything but the pom! We'll go at once, kupo!
<pant> Never worked...so hard in my life... <pant> But it felt sort of good, kupo...
The chief threatened to withhold our kupo nuts for a month. A month! I...I did what I had to do, kupo... <sob>
My work is done, kupo... Now I shall slumber for all eternity... Zzzzzzzzz...
Ah, there you are! I'm pleased to say that, with Kuplu Kumu's sage counsel, we've managed to bring the affinity test up to acceptable standards of fun!
Moreover, the three moogles returned and resumed setting up the venue. They worked with such enthusiasm, all was made ready in the blinking of an eye!
Kuplu Kumu tells me he cast an enchantment on them that bestows motivation. Such practical magicks the moogles have!
Now then, all that remains is to have a couple actually trial the affinity test.
Adventurer, I could not have come this far without your help. Would you and your chosen do the honor of being the first souls to undertake the Valentione's Ceremony?
Thank you! When you are ready, let the House Valentione servant yonder know, and you shall be escorted to the venue.
At the ceremony's conclusion, you will receive a Valentione's Day chocolate. Be sure to return hither and show it to me.
You're back! Have...have you completed the ceremony?
...A Valentione's Day chocolate! Everything went smoothly, then? Excellent! With this, the ceremony is ready to be opened to the public!
If truth be told, I shall be a nervous wreck until the festivities come to a close. But I have confidence that the ceremony will be a success. How could it not be, with the assistance I've received from you and the moogles both?
I shall be fine by myself from here on. Thank you, adventurer. For everything.
Full glad am I to see that Astrid's efforts have borne fruit, and it was doubtless in no small part due to you. Allow me to offer you my heartfelt thanks.
I have confidence that the ceremony will be a success. Thank you, adventurer. For everything.
Ah, welcome back, my friend. I understand you have been kept on your feet, but the road of love was ever a long and winding one. Now, pray do not keep me in suspense─tell me how Astrid fared.
Well, that's a godsdamned relief. Well-intentioned as she is, the girl can be a right pain in the arse. I'd say I'm sorry for subjecting you to her quirks, but I'm not. I knew you would guide her true, and I shall leave it at a thank you.
...What? Can't a woman let her mask slip from time to time? It's weary business, you know, this Valentione's Day thing.
That's not why I thrust Astrid on you, though. No, I would've liked to help her myself, but I can't be there to prop her up forever. No, she needs to learn how to survive without me.
Though you ended up shouldering much of the burden, I reckon Astrid has learned a great deal from her experience. Given time, she'll make a fine emissary.
Sister, Sister! I have tidings!
Sister? Who is this sister? My name is Lisette de Valentione, and my mission is to spread boundless love across the land!
Oh...er, right! F-Forgive me, Lisette. If it please you, I wish to make a report on the affinity test.
The people are participating in droves, and by all accounts, they are enjoying themselves tremendously. Full many couples are said to be departing the venue flush with excitement, love writ plain upon their faces.
Well, I believe we may declare the event a rousing success! This is proof positive of your progress, my dear. There is naught more for me to teach you. Your traineeship is complete.
Now, I understand you owe much and more to our adventurer friend here. Do remember to express your gratitude. And even if you already have, no one has ever died from a glut of appreciation, is this not so?
Thank you for your kind help, adventurer.
Er... K-Kind and fair adventurer, you have helped me more than you shall ever know. W-With every fiber of my being, I thank you, and...er, p-pray for your continued support as I strive to...to till the fields of love within people's hearts!